weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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