turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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