Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
