Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
