Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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