"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
