Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
