did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
