So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
