so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
