Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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