Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
