Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
