Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
