i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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