Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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