I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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