i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
