first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize