Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
