they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
