My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
