you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
