It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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