Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
