let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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