Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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