my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So much rum. So many feels.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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