You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
