She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
