Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
