Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
