Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish i was in the wii world.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
