Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
