I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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