Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
