mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we're making bets on your personal life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
