i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
