I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
