Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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