found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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