You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
