Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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