And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
