matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
