But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
