Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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