There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
