problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude. I can hear the air.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
