I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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