shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You made out with two different species that night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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