and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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