Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I believe in your delicious
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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