Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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