i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's shark week go big or go home
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
