I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
