Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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