i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
