Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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