I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
