I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
