How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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