I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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