The maid of honor just puked.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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