It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
