Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
