I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In the name of friendship, Iām going to kick your children into the ocean.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize