yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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